These days it is the lack of an alternative that really scares me!

Regular readers know that I don’t do politics very well. In fact, I only seem to get exercised about the whole democracy lark when something really annoys me. Now I’ve found a new motivation – fear!

The reason that I’m not ‘in to politics’ is not because I don’t find current affairs or social policy interesting. It is like religion – great in concept but the organised options just don’t inspire. I’m an ‘a la carte’ person. I pick and choose my views on subjects and these just don’t align with party politics.

Each party has some ‘flawed pedigree’ that repeals me from their otherwise easy charms. With Fianna Fail, it is the shyster/cute hoor complex that seems to be a prerequisite for party membership. I get the feeling that intellectually they are at the front of the class, it is just that they are pathologically driven to screw everyone over. Apart from being founded on the principal of a collective abhorrence of Charlie Haughey (not in itself unreasonable), my biggest issue with the Progressive Democrats remains their odious Minister for Justice. In my opinion, he’s a boot-boy bully who has done untold damage to our criminal justice system and has single-handedly brought the PD’s into disrepute. Frighteningly, Labour who should be most attractive to my left-of-centre views, elicits no particular strong emotion. Under Pat Rabbitte’s stewardship, this party evoke nothing more than a dull irritating pain in the butt. Mr Rabbitte’s smart-arsed wise cracks just annoy me and don’t enthuse me to support his party.

My mother had an expression that she reserved for people who were mentally or physically handicapped. “God bless the mark”, seemed to explain away all sorts of unjust afflictions. This saying comes to mind every time I encounter a Fine Gael activist. Like a gormless fool that you know you shouldn’t laugh at, I can’t help but smirk at poor Enda’s hapless efforts. Being less crooked or cunning than the other shower is as damning a raison d'être as you can imagine. Like “Wales, it isn’t as bad as it sounds” or “Donegal, up here it’s different”, if Fine Gael was a holiday location it would be Beirut. Perhaps not as bad as Rammalah but not exactly the Seychelles.

But I’m mixing my metaphors and I apologise.

The latest Fine Gael campaign showing a presidential Enda Kenny sums up both the lovely Mayoman and his party. “I’ll sack the wasters of tax payer’s money” as a slogan doesn’t quite do it. It has all the hall marks of why poor Enda flatters to deceive. He can’t resist the temptation to add five or six unnecessary words into each sentence. This gives the impression of a man who doesn’t want to offend, isn’t sure of his ground or is just helplessless caught in the headlights like a startled bunny.

In the interests of making Fine Gael more accessible, could I suggest the following improvements?

Enda : “I’ll sack those FF wasters” (Now we know who proposes to sack)

Enda : “Sack those FF wasters” (Recognising that it is the electorate who does the hiring and firing)

Enda :”Stop wasting Tax Payer’s Money” (Keeps the focus on the problem, not the largely irrelevant sacking)

Enda : “FF are wasting Tax Payer’s Money” (A more direct confrontation that lays blame unambiguously)

Enda : “I won’t waste Tax Payer’s Money” (Creates the impression of FG in power, something the electorate struggle to conceptualise)


If you offer no alternative to the incumbents in terms of policy and you only differentiate yourself from them on the basis of what you don't have, I think it is hard to convince anyone to vote for you. Being a pleasant, decent guy is not enough when you are up against a pleasant, decent guy who happens also to be a bit crafty.

Paige Harrison political consultancy service is available to all parties irrespective of the extent to which they have no distinguishing features. For a one-off no obligation consultation, please email Paige at paige.harrisonATgmailDOTcom.