Door Bouncers & Floor Bunnies

There was a funny exchange on Matt Cooper’s radio programme last night. Matt interviewed a man and a woman who were both advocates for more females taking on the role of night club bouncers. Both interviewees had worked in the “Entertainment & Hospitality Security” industry for several years. They were keen to challenge the stereotype of a physically large, ugly man with a bad haircut and a poorly fitting suit denying access to would-be patrons on various arbitrary grounds. An attempt was made to convince the listener that the sensitive feminine touch would defuse potentially explosive situations rather than inflame. Stretching the powers of female persuasion to ridiculous extremes, the woman even claimed to be adept at resolving disputes between two women fighting over a guy. It seems her Solomon-like skills stemmed from her ability to project the understanding older sister perspective and her intuitive knowledge that women could be bitches sometimes!

However I was more convinced by the argument that a guy (drunk or otherwise) being approached by another guy (ill-fitting suited or otherwise) is likely to respond to the perceived confrontation in kind. Be it machismo or not wishing to lose face, any of us (who have had to drag our beaus away from certain fracas with door staff) know only too well how such can situations quickly arise. Like two stags in some ancient Highland battle, they lock horns and refuse to concede territory or the suitability of ones footwear.

However what made the whole item incredibly funny was the demonstration of Homo Stagicious in action by Matt Cooper and Jeffery Donaldson in a subsequent interview. I’m a mild mannered woman most of the time, but I’ll admit my heckles do get raised by the evasion tactics employed by some Unionist politicians. Jeffery takes the whole “control of the interview” to a professional level. In his classic ‘buy some time’ routine, he feigned mock indignation at being rudely interrupted by Cooper. For once, Cooper hadn’t been guilty – the radio equivalent of wearing very fashionable designer leisure shoes not scabby runners. But this didn’t stop Donaldson from coming the door heavy. At the earliest opportunity, Cooper responded in kind, he too feigned indignation and locked horns with Bouncer Donaldson. As a result, we never got to hear the DUP man being held to account for the offensive remarks of his party leader about our much loved President. Instead, Matt and Jeffrey proved the point that perhaps a female radio presenter might have brought her feminine charms to bear with better effect. Where is Orla Barry when you need her?


Photo: Colin Thomas 2004